{"id":583,"date":"2018-09-01T00:00:40","date_gmt":"2018-09-01T00:00:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/creativeedgeco.wpengine.com\/?p=583"},"modified":"2025-07-09T20:27:33","modified_gmt":"2025-07-09T09:27:33","slug":"do-you-suffer-from-the-disease-to-please","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/creativeedgecoaching.com.au\/do-you-suffer-from-the-disease-to-please\/","title":{"rendered":"Do You Suffer From the Disease to Please?"},"content":{"rendered":"

6 Strategies for Developing Strong Personal Boundaries<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

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Do you regularly say yes when you really want to say no? Do you feel guilty if you say no? Do you tolerate rude comments or pushy people because you can\u2019t handle conflict? If you\u2019ve answered yes to one or more of these questions you may have a bad case of the \u2018disease to please\u2019. The good news is, it\u2019s totally treatable! Most of us are clear when it comes to protecting ourselves with regard to physical boundaries. We build fences between properties, we place signage on roads and buildings, communities provide \u2018safe places\u2019 to meet and go about business, and most of us learn about acceptable physical boundaries from a young age. But what about internal boundaries, the ones that cannot be seen or easily recognised by others? The physical world could not function without boundaries, and neither can we humans function effectively without strong personal boundaries.<\/p>\n

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\u201cIf you don\u2019t know your own personal boundaries you are likely to allow others to define you.\u201d<\/strong><\/span> <\/em><\/h5>\n

Earlier this year I was co-facilitating professional development workshops \u2018Setting Robust Personal Boundaries\u2019 with groups of teachers and I was surprised by how many of them said they struggled when it came to saying no. Many had such loose personal boundaries that they would take phone calls or texts from parents late at night or on the weekends. Others said yes to additional out of hours work as if they were on auto pilot. One woman shared that she was so used to saying yes to every request and demand she felt exhausted and on the verge of a nervous breakdown (her words). Weak personal boundaries show up in a variety of circumstances. If you are struggling with establishing or maintaining your own personal boundaries you might find the following strategies helpful.<\/p>\n

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1. Mind Shift<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\n

The first step is awareness. Begin with the mind shift that having strong personal boundaries is OK. This doesn\u2019t mean you are selfish or uncaring. It is completely acceptable and absolutely necessary to establish robust and clear personal boundaries to engage in healthy, fulfilling relationships.<\/p>\n

\u201cAlways trying to please another person does not equate to a healthy relationship.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/h5>\n

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2. Define<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\n

Sit down and think about how you have been allowing others to take advantage of you and how you might be accepting situations that are unacceptable to you. Make a list of things that people may no longer expect of you, say to you, or do to you. Define your values, belief systems, and outlook on life so you have a clear picture of who\u00a0you<\/u>\u00a0are and how\u00a0you<\/u>\u00a0want to live.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt may be helpful to ask yourself, \u2018What is this \u2018people pleasing\u2019 on behalf of?’\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/h5>\n

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3. Communicate<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\n

If you are in the habit of having weak personal boundaries it\u2019s time to communicate what you want and need. If you do not speak up people will not know the impact of a request they make of you. If you automatically say yes when you want to say no simply stop, breathe and think about what you really want to do or say. If you are not sure of what you want in the moment, instead of saying your automatic response of yes, tell them you would like to think about the situation and get back to them later. This gives you time\u2026 and it begins to break the habit of pleasing others at the expense of your own wants and needs.<\/p>\n

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4. Expect<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\n

Expect that any conversation where you begin to assert yourself may feel uncomfortable or difficult, especially if you are a people pleaser. There may be some defensiveness and push-back from those involved. That\u2019s OK. They\u2019ll get used to your new boundaries over time. If not, it may be time to move on from those people. As you grow into your authentic Self you will find you will attract supportive and healthy-minded people into your life.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhatever you do, don\u2019t compromise your values, integrity, and self-respect simply to please someone else.\u201d<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/h5>\n

 <\/p>\n

5. Be Patient<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\n

If you\u2019ve had weak personal boundaries for years, it will take time to change un resourceful habits. Be aware that that change doesn\u2019t happen overnight. Disengaging from the emotions and beliefs that led you to weak boundaries requires practice, and sometimes it requires the support of a counsellor or a coach.<\/p>\n

\u201cBegin to recognise and challenge the limiting beliefs that undermine your practice of setting your personal boundaries.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/h5>\n

Be patient with yourself. Speaking your truth may feel uncomfortable at first.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

6. Believe<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\n

Believe in yourself and your value as a unique individual who is worthy of love and respect. Trust your instincts and feelings about what you do and don\u2019t want in your life. No one knows better than you about who you are and what you desire. Don\u2019t allow others to define that for you. Practice self confidence\u00a0and self-love until it feels natural. A few final words\u2026<\/strong><\/em> When you define and implement\u00a0personal boundaries\u00a0in your life, you will find that fear diminishes significantly. You will feel more empowered and self-confident because you are beginning to communicate as your authentic Self.\u00a0The more you practice holding fast to your boundaries, the more love, respect, and support you will experience in your life. If you struggle with personal boundary issues and would like to talk about how coaching can help you gain clarity and confidence feel free to send me an email at\u00a0monica@creativeedgecoaching.com.au<\/a>. Let\u2019s set up a time to explore strategies so you can be in control of your life.<\/p>\n

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_<\/p>\n

Monica O\u2019Brien is a professionally trained and accredited Coach and founder of Creative Edge Coaching\u00a0<\/em>www.creativeedgecoaching.com.au<\/em><\/a>. She blogs on issues about creativity and small business development for conscious artists and business entrepreneurs.\u00a0<\/em>Book your free discovery call here.<\/a><\/p>\n

Join CREATIVITY UNLEASHED!<\/a> Facebook GROUP – the Official Facebook Community for Creatives.<\/p>\n

If you are\u00a0a creative person building your career or looking to grow your creative business, this group is for you! Our purpose is to support and celebrate creativity and the talented people who enrich our world with music, art, drama, poetry, words, shape, colour, beauty and innovation. Our goal is to connect with other like-minded creatives, ask questions, reflect, get unstuck, move through resistance and blocks, participate in group conversations, share our stories, learn, get support and feedback for our creative endeavours\/career\/business and tap into the wisdom of the group.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

6 Strategies for Developing Strong Personal Boundaries   Do you regularly say yes when you really want to say no? Do you feel guilty if you say no? Do you tolerate rude comments or pushy people because you can\u2019t handle conflict? If you\u2019ve answered yes to one or more of these questions you may have 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